But why??

Why do You love me like You do, Jesus?

Even when you see all that I do.

How can You look pass my faults?

Those things i intentionally walked into.

You tried to warn me and keep me focused.

But I slipped into sin again and again.

I caused my flesh to mute Your voice

The lifesaver and life’s Savior.

Jesus, this can’t be.

Again, how can You still love me?

I turned my back on You many times.

I don’t seek You all of the time.

I don’t fast to keep my soul on fire for You.

But I let this world replace my time with You.

I am so self absorbed.

All I see is me.

I’m too busy to stop and help others.

Send someone in place of me.

I am devoted to being selfish.

I live for the applaud.

No time to accept Your love.

I must go.  I gotta get there quick.

But honestly, I’m so sick.

I’m tired of stabbing You in the back.

You’ve given me plenty of chances.

Wait! Are You sure You don’t want Your love back?

I know I’m living my life whack.

It’s a complete mess without You.

But somehow I can’t find the words to come running back to You.

You deserve better.

You deserve more.

Yet You keep holding on.

Picking me up when I feel all hope is lost.

Jesus, why?

Please! Give up on me.

I have!

I’m not worth Your time and effort.

Go ahead and just walk pass.

But wait, You’re too good for that.

That wouldn’t be You. You’re not whack.

You aren’t lame.

You can’t be that.

You died for my sins. This is why You’ll take me back.

You love so freely and deeply.

Your death is a sign for me.

The greatest deed ever done.

I can’t lose. I’ve already won.

Because of what you did on the cross,

I can see why You won’t let me stay lost.

Thank You, Jesus for loving me.

Thank You for dying on Calvary.

You shed Your blood just for me.

So I won’t walk with my head down.

This frown is now a smile

Because I can see clearly.

How Your mercy and grace saved me.

So no more pity parties.

I accept what You have done for me.

Now I ask, Lord please.

Come into my heart and save me.

I LOVE YOU, TOO!

 

Why you acting brand new??

​Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.

2 Corinthians 5:17 KJV
Just in case you don’t know, let me tell you …

I didn’t truly love and embrace Jessica until my relationship with Christ grew. So as I read  this scripture, I’m reminded of some things that I once did. But like the scripture says, because I have Christ I am new. Now, don’t think for a minute that once I accepted Christ everything about about me changed right away. No. I had to reprogram. 

No longer do I crave the attention 

No longer do I thrive off compliments.

No longer do I struggle with low self esteem.

No longer do I live my life based on the opinions of others.

No longer do I desire to be a Jones.

No longer do I hide pain behind this smile.

No longer do I put myself down.

No longer a slave to “likes”.

No longer do I struggle with my worth.
Nope. 

So if act brand new, it’s only because I am. Now, I see myself through God’s eyes. And you know what? I’m pretty special.

Free To Be Me. 

I didn’t fully grow to love myself until I grew in Christ. It wasn’t until I learned His word that I stopped believing and relying on the words of people. I so often held onto people’s words. Looked for that compliment. Reached to be seen. People pleased to be liked. Dressed to be noticed. Put down others to feel better. Avoided me because it was too hurtful. Too hurtful to deal with my insecurities. Too “complicated” to figure out how I could change. Too deep to start caring about others. Too numb to even care. 

When I finally made up in my mind that I wanted more of Jesus, the deliverance started to take place. When I seeked Him more, my attitude changed. The more I read His word, the more I lived His word. My thoughts changed. My walk changed. My talk changes. Soon I began to look in the mirror and love what I saw. Soon I began to believe. Believe what He said about me. No longer did I need the words of people to validate me. Nope! I was free. Free from broken relationships. Free from selfishness. Free from pain. Free from shame. Free from hurt. Free from the feeling of not being enough. Free from ME! 

Sharing Is Caring

Lord, I just want to share the beauty of Your love with everyone I encounter.

May Your words spoken through me kiss their soul.

May Your Spirit smother every hurt, every pain.

Bring a peace that will flow like a river and wash every fear and doubtful thought away.

Encamp around them through  their daily journeys.

May the dipstick of their joy read “full”.

And Your comforting power bring that racing mind to a complete stop.

 

That’s all.

As I grow

I do realize that I am a rare beauty (no I’m not laying on the horn lol), but The most beautiful thing about me is that I have a heart for God. Living a life that pleases Him is important to me and I strive for excellence when it comes to my walk. I am challenged daily to strengthen my walk with Him. Although I may slip up and fall at times, I am wholeheartedly pressing towards the mark for the prize of the high calling ( Philippians 3:14). In doing so there has to be a constant renewing of my mind (Romans 12:2). I can’t expect to move forward in newness when I am partaking in the old. My old self has died and been made new in Christ. How can a young believer stay pure? By living according to the word (Psalms 119:9).

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

When I look into the mirror, what do I see?
A woman that’s put together so wonderfully.
I was phenomenally made by God.
Yes, cheerfully He created a masterpiece to display.
For His work to speak of His goodness each day.
Let His greatness be seen in me
May my life be rich in favor for all to see.
I could really care less about what people think about me;
I cant allow their words to determine my destiny.
For me to become enslaved to the words of society,
would be a total disappointment to the One who created me.
I walk with confidence because I know Who holds my future.
I’m on a quest.
I’m on a mission.
Lord, use me.

I see you

I see you
I see the smile you wear to cover up the pain
Maybe if you smile hard enough no one will know you are going insane
You’re physically and mentally tired of putting on a front
When will someone hear you screaming “help”
I see you
You’re hurt, frustrated, and depressed
But you can’t even talk to anyone because you’re afraid of them finding out you’re a mess…inside
I see you
So you silently drown in your sorrow
Suffocating
Grasping for air
I see you
You decide enough is enough
I’m ready to exit this life
I can’t take another day of pretending and living a lie
How about I overdose on meds and just die
I see you
Life isnt worth living
It’s a constant struggle
No one understands
Man, where is this bottle?!
I see you
But before you pop that top to the bottle
Let me say
Jesus Christ is the way
Popping pills won’t heal the wounds
Taking your life isn’t cool
What if I told you Jesus sees you too
He’s waiting with outstretched hands to receive you
When will you realize that battle isn’t yours but His
Lay your problems on the altar and leave them there.
He will heal the hurt
He will mend your heart
He sees you
Run
Run into His arms
He’s waiting