You called me out in this ocean, but I’m sinking. Im trying to keep my head above the waves, but I’m failing. Keeping my eyes on You is a struggle. Because what I really want to do is scream. But I will keep it moving to reach the dream. I know I’m a little upset right now. I’ll cool it. But I can’t help but feel that I’m missing something. I have questions. Did I really hear You speak when You told me step out on faith? Did I really understand the responsibility that came next? Did I really comprehend the work ahead? I’m sorry. I sorry. I know these questions only came to mind because I’m aggravated. Just about over it. But I refuse to miss the promises that You have stored up for me. Although it’s hard to see. But I will press towards the mark that You set for the called and keep my mind set on things above. I’ll watch the words that flow from my lips and get the lessons that need to be learned. I won’t let the trials dampen my joy. I won’t speak based on what I see. I want more. I’ll stand on Your word. I will create the world I want to live. I believe You and will continue to give. Because You aren’t a man that will lie. I will trust You Lord with all of my heart until the day I die. Help! I need You, Jesus!!
I must move closer to
I must live in
I must dwell in the face of
I must talk to
Let it consume my life
Consider its ways
Lead me day by day
Connect to it
Unity in the
Faith to faith
Patience in the
On the mountains
Down in the valleys
Dipped in the water
Loving that neighbor
Lifting up my Pastor
Mighty is the
Forever is the
Saturate me with Your
Serving the Heavenly Father will get me
I. Need. It.
Dear heavenly Father,
I come before You interceding for Your people. Someone is going through. Someone is having a hard time. Someone is down. But I come before You, God knowing that nothing that we face, is too big for You. Nothing that we face is too hard for You to fix. Nothing that has happened or is happening is news to You. You hold our world in Your hands. You know our endings from our beginning. You are a good Father. Help us to look beyond our fears, hiccups, and pain and push to give You the praise in the midst of it. Help us to worship from a deeper place. Help us to honor You with the fruit of our lips. Help us to hold on to Your word knowing that it won’t return void. Many things will change in this world, but one thing is guaranteed, You will remain the same. No matter what is going on, You remain good. No matter how we feel, You remain good. No matter the test, You remain good. In lack, You’re good. In sickness, You’re good. In sadness, You’re good. In the midst of the storm, You’re good. You’re good when all is going well and we will claim the same when we hit a trial. Lord, how mighty are You. Your thoughts and ways are higher than ours. Give us the patience that we need for you to complete a perfect work in us. Give us the joy that will be our strength. Give us the endurance to remain in the race. Give us the peace that will surpass all understanding. Give us Your Word, for it is true and dependable. We will forever give You the praise and the glory. In Jesus Name. Amen.
I remember all to clearly. The day that I was diagnosed with high blood pressure was the day my life changed for the better. Better?! Yes, better and you’ll see why in a moment.
Before I was diagnosed, I dealt with headaches, migraines, and dizziness. I was sleepy all of time. I was nauseous. And my entire body just seemed out of whack. All of this came to mind as I sat in the hospital. Hours before my visit to the ER, I left church feeling dizzy, nauseated, and faint. I had no idea what was going on. A nurse that happened to go to the church took my blood pressure and told me that it was very high and that I should go to the hospital. At that time, I lived in NY. I was in the city at the moment and did not want to visit the ER there. So my friend drove us home to Westchester and I went to the hospital there. The doctor confirmed what the nurse told me, I had high blood pressure. He advised me to see my doctor. I went for a follow up visit with my primary care physician and she wrote me a script for meds to control my pressure. At the time, I really didn’t think anything of it. I actually accepted this and thought, “well if this is what I have to do, I’ll do it.”
Let’s pause for a moment and look at what was just written, “I accepted it.” I had no idea how much I was hurting myself by accepting these words. I had no clue at the time that I had the authority to speak to my body nor did I grasp the real meaning of faith and what it could do for my life. Accepting the words of the report I received canceled the word of God. It caused me to remain stuck and therefore affected my walk with Christ. For the Bible says, “without faith it’s impossible to please God.” Impossible. I wasn’t pleasing God at all.
Ok, let’s resume. I started to take the meds. I didn’t feel any better though. Mind you, this part of my life was very tense. I was living an unhealthy lifestyle both mentally and physically. My diet was terrible. I was always stressed. I didnt workout. Well…to sum it all up, I didn’t like life. I didn’t want to live. (that’s another story for another time).
Fast forward 7 years or so…April 2017. This was the month that I decided that I was going to come off of this medication. I really just woke up one day and decided to trust God to do it for me. Not only did I want to trust Him, I was now living a much MUCH healthier lifestyle than I was in NY. So now I had to see my dr because I wanted to do it the right way. I told her my plan, that my diet was healthier, and my workout schedule. She gave me the ok and suggested how to come off. Then she proceeded to say, ” don’t get discouraged if it doesn’t work. This is hereditary so It may not.” I rejected her words. I know she had to advise me as my doctor, but I refused to accept that this would be my reality. I refused to allow anyone to limit God…including me.
Let me say this. Since I made the choice to accept God word for my life and was healed, I have ran into a few people with illnesses. Some were Christian’s, some weren’t. They felt that they HAD to have whatever they did because it was hereditary. They accepted that they had to live with the illness forever because Aunt Sue and grandfather BoBo suffered with the same. NO!!!!!! I am a living witness that God heals. If you just believe, Amy is possible! But my point is, God used my testimony of healing to witness to them. This is the coolest part to me. For me to tell of Gods faithfulness and promises is a delight. Bringing Him glory is my main focus.
Ok, now that I had a plan, my journey could begin! I was on 2 meds and I just KNEW I would be off of them in a month. My mind was made up. My faith was up. I was prepared to tackle this illness and give it my all. My doctor recommended halving the meds along with healthy eating and exercise. The first week was a breeze. Normal readings all week. Week 2, the same. “Oh I have this in the bag for sure. Thank You Jesus. ” Week 3/4 a little unstable, but nothing to worry about. Week 5, high.
Week 5 took me for a loop a little. But I knew that the medication had to fully get out of my system. So I won’t sweat it. It will come down for sure. And you know what, it did. Aye!! (this is when I did my happy dance.)
I don’t get comfortable though. I am prepared to do whatever it takes to keep a normal reading. Even if this means cutting out foods I love and going to the gym allllll of my life. I’m ready.
So here I am celebrating success, Normal readings, and of course my God!
Then…BOOM!!! My pressure started to raise again. It started to increase the beginning of the week and gradually got higher. Let pause here for a moment. Think about it… here I am putting my faith out there AND doing my part and you mean to tell me my pressure is going to raise like it’s doing. I mean it had gotten up to 149/105 one day. I was frustrated and emotional. But I had to make a choice. No matter what, I was not going to let my faith in God waver. I was not going to take another pill. I was not going to throw a pity party. But I decided to pray and praise my way through this. He even called me to fast. Because we know that “these things only come out by prayer and fasting.” My confidence in Jesus is real and I made up in my mind that I was going to trust Him and believe Him for complete healing.
This choice allowed my faith to grow. It pushed me towards Christ instead of away. It caused me to speak His word more. It increased my prayer time. It allowed me to become dependent on Him. It caused me to work for what I wanted. I was prepared to stay in His face until this good work that He started in me was made complete.
Did anyone catch that? James 1:2-4 says “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” This situation propelled me into the presence of God and taught me how to believe, patience, perseverance, trust, and wisdom. It gave me a “I will bless the Lord with all my heart” attitude. It drove me to my knees. It allowed me to see me and just how much self discipline I had and how much more was needed. Most of all, it gave all glory to God. I spoke about Him. I posted about Him. I shared of His greatness. I made His name great. So I choose to believe in His word because it is true.
Now can you see why I said my life became better because of this? Yes? Ok, good!
Can I ask you something? What are you believing God for? If it hasn’t happened yet, don’t give up. God honors His word. Speak His word, trust Him, and let Him be God. Be sure not to complain. Complaining prolongs the blessing. Instead of complaining, praise. I guarantee God will honor the good attitude verses the moaning and groaning. Be of good cheer. God sees you and He is going to work it out for you. God thinks you’re worth the promise. Hold on to His word!!
*looks in mirror*
Lord, what do you see?
I see Me. My work. My hand. My time well spent. I see your future. I see the pain. But don’t worry, it’s not in vain. I see greatness. Your life is a testimony. A story of how you overcame. You stuck with me through the pain and the heartache. You knew I’d make a way. So I gave you a new day. New mercies. Miracles. A new outlook. You had enough faith to see past your lows. You knew I was working on your behalf, so everything was good. Can I say, that I am pleased? Yes, I am very proud. You allowed me to be God. I am very proud. For this I will reward you openly. Your enemies will see my glory. No longer will you cry tears of sadness. Your heart won’t ache. I put my stamp of approval on you. I don’t make mistakes. please know That I put My good foot forward when creating you. I designed you so uniquely. An image of Me. So don’t be bothered if your misunderstood. I didn’t want you to feel comfortable. So many are compromising, but not you. I knew you wouldn’t. This is why I see remarkable. No matter what, keep that smile. It’s going to be seen and brighten many days. People will be encouraged just by one at look you. I gave you those eyes, so bright and bold. See those people hiding behind the masks they put up. Know that they are hurting and need more of Me. Give them that love thats unconditional. Let them know that I can heal their heart, like I healed yours. I know their very core. So stay deeply rooted in Me. Soon the word will get why I see what I see. I see Me.
Do you know love? Real love. Not lust. For this fades along with our feelings. But love holds on. Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is not scared. Love is not abusive. Love is not manipulative. Love is gentle. Love is forever. It does not make you wonder. It doesn’t bruise. It doesnt hurt. It doesn’t ache. Love is doesnt boast. Love isn’t easily angered. Love isn’t self seeking. Love protects. Love trusts. Love hopes. It never ends. Real love is only experienced when you experience Love. God is love. Know Him and you’ll know Love.
1 John 4. 1 Corinthians 13.
My long sleeves hide the hurt
My smile covers the pain
My laugh puts a barrier around the tears
For now that is
I sit in a room full of people, yet I’m alone
I’m a prisoner
No one cares to search for the key
The key that will unlock me from this misery
I don’t blame them
I barely think I’m worth saving
I don’t have the energy to dig
So I’ll just sit here
Blade to my arm
Gun to my head
Meds in my hand
Or should I stand
On a bridge
In front of a truck
I mean, if I step out at the perfect time….
You are worth fighting for!
No one can search for something that hasn’t been lost.
The key was in the hand of God all along.
He has the power to heal the hurt.
He has the power to ease the pain.
He has the perfect plan to turn those tears of sadness into joy.
God has the key.
You are not alone.
I see you
I see the smile you wear to cover up the pain
Maybe if you smile hard enough no one will know you are going insane
You’re physically and mentally tired of putting on a front
When will someone hear you screaming “help”
I see you
You’re hurt, frustrated, and depressed
But you can’t even talk to anyone because you’re afraid of them finding out you’re a mess…inside
I see you
So you silently drown in your sorrow
Grasping for air
I see you
You decide enough is enough
I’m ready to exit this life
I can’t take another day of pretending and living a lie
How about I overdose on meds and just die
I see you
Life isnt worth living
It’s a constant struggle
No one understands
Man, where is this bottle?!
I see you
But before you pop that top to the bottle
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Lord, I just want to share the beauty of Your love with everyone I encounter.
May Your words spoken through me kiss their soul.
May Your Spirit smother every hurt, every pain.
Bring a peace that will flow like a river and wash every fear and doubtful thought away.
Encamp around them through their daily journeys.
May the dipstick of their joy read “full”.
And Your comforting power bring that racing mind to a complete stop.
Me: Lord, why do I seem to come off so strong when I meet someone? Why is it that I “fall in love” with people so easily? What is it? Is it *I begin to list a bunch of things trying to pinpoint it*
God: No! You have what they need. You have Me. Keep doing what you are doing. Give them love. Give them ME.
Me: *wipes single tear away* *smiles* ok, God. Ok. I love You!
I am so amazed by His love. Love conquers all!