a heavy love

Love. Such a loaded word. Such a passionate word. A word that is said without thought. A word that is taken for granted it is thrown around, abused, and trampled on. Takes a beating and still loves on. It embraces our weaknesses, tears, and faults. Picks us up and dusts us off. Forgives us of our wrongs. Then wipes the slate clean like it was dust free all along. Love journeys with us as we walk this life. Blocking the things that causes wounds. It takes the hit instead. Causing our bodies to remain free of the lashes. Love frees, heals, and delivers. Love defeated death so we could live. Defeated the enemy so we could live victoriously. Bared the cross on Calvary so we could live blamelessly. Love knows us deeply. It flows to the inner most parts ans stays there. Causing our hearts and desires to shift. giving us a face lift. Because its impossible not to smile when you experience pure joy. Love has a way of keeping you wanting more. Its an addiction that doesn’t give you the shakes. A high that doesn’t have a low. Tracks marks are left on you heart and soul. It will leave people wondering how you stay sane and happy in the midst of turmoil. Love is pure. Love fresh. Love is inviting. Love is giving. Love is forgiving. Love curbs my appetite from imitations. It shows me my worth and why life is worth living. Love guards my life and causes it to stay on course. Not wavering, but standing firm. Love tackles my enemies and brings them to their knees. Causing them to surrender and leave. One way they came, seven they will flee. Think twice before coming for me. I have love on my side, back, and front. I have the luxury of calling and its there to hunt. Ready to fill me with more and filter out what isn’t needed. It keeps me from feeling depleted. Love is genuine. Love is strength. Love is power. Love is gracious. love is mighty. Love is faithful. Love is healing. Love is worthy. Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is trusting. Love is selfless. Love hopes. Love perseveres. Love is fail proof. This love I speak about is Jesus. Know Jesus and know love.

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But why??

Why do You love me like You do, Jesus?

Even when you see all that I do.

How can You look pass my faults?

Those things i intentionally walked into.

You tried to warn me and keep me focused.

But I slipped into sin again and again.

I caused my flesh to mute Your voice

The lifesaver and life’s Savior.

Jesus, this can’t be.

Again, how can You still love me?

I turned my back on You many times.

I don’t seek You all of the time.

I don’t fast to keep my soul on fire for You.

But I let this world replace my time with You.

I am so self absorbed.

All I see is me.

I’m too busy to stop and help others.

Send someone in place of me.

I am devoted to being selfish.

I live for the applaud.

No time to accept Your love.

I must go.  I gotta get there quick.

But honestly, I’m so sick.

I’m tired of stabbing You in the back.

You’ve given me plenty of chances.

Wait! Are You sure You don’t want Your love back?

I know I’m living my life whack.

It’s a complete mess without You.

But somehow I can’t find the words to come running back to You.

You deserve better.

You deserve more.

Yet You keep holding on.

Picking me up when I feel all hope is lost.

Jesus, why?

Please! Give up on me.

I have!

I’m not worth Your time and effort.

Go ahead and just walk pass.

But wait, You’re too good for that.

That wouldn’t be You. You’re not whack.

You aren’t lame.

You can’t be that.

You died for my sins. This is why You’ll take me back.

You love so freely and deeply.

Your death is a sign for me.

The greatest deed ever done.

I can’t lose. I’ve already won.

Because of what you did on the cross,

I can see why You won’t let me stay lost.

Thank You, Jesus for loving me.

Thank You for dying on Calvary.

You shed Your blood just for me.

So I won’t walk with my head down.

This frown is now a smile

Because I can see clearly.

How Your mercy and grace saved me.

So no more pity parties.

I accept what You have done for me.

Now I ask, Lord please.

Come into my heart and save me.

I LOVE YOU, TOO!

 

Feeling Stuck?

My long sleeves hide the hurt

My smile covers the pain

My laugh puts a barrier around the tears

For now that is

I sit in a room full of people, yet I’m alone

I’m a prisoner 

Trapped

Forgotten 

No one cares to search for the key

The key that will unlock me from this misery

I don’t blame them

I barely think I’m worth saving

I don’t have the energy to dig 

So I’ll just sit here

Blade to my arm

Gun to my head

Meds in my hand

Or should I stand

On a bridge

In front of a truck

I mean, if I step out at the perfect time….

STOP!!!!!!!! 

You are worth fighting for!

No one can search for something that hasn’t been lost.

The key was in the hand of God all along.

He has the power to heal the hurt.

He has the power to ease the pain.

He has the perfect plan to turn those tears of sadness into joy.

God has the key.

Behind the camera.

Want to know a secret? I go through the same process everytime it’s time for me to photograph.

I book a photo session months in advance.
I am fine. No biggie.
The week of, I’m fine. No biggie.
The day of…yup you guessed it. Perfectly fine.

But the hour of the session, I get nervous.
I pray.
I quote scripture.
I breathe.

Then…I arrive at the location.

All of the nervousness ceases and I go into “I can do all things through Christ” mode. It’s like my superpowers are released. I’m in a totally different zone.

I pose. I shoot. I laugh. I cry. I encourage.

Then its all over…done.

I look at the images thankfully because Jesus trusted me with this amazing gift. Because He talked me through it. Because without Him, I suck. I am glad I still get nervous. Because in that nervousness, I pull on Him even more.

I would like to share with you guys a few images of a wedding that were taken on 6/10/2016. Enjoy.

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Wheres my cape?!

Want to know a secret? I go through the same process everytime it’s time for me to photograph.

I book a photo session months in advance.
I am fine. No biggie.
The week of, I’m fine. No biggie.
The day of…yup you guessed it. Perfectly fine.

But the hour of the session, I get nervous.
I pray.
I quote scripture.
I breathe.

Then…I arrive at the location.

All of the nervousness ceases and I go into “I can do all things through Christ” mode. It’s like my superpowers are released. I’m in a totally different zone.

I pose. I shoot. I laugh. I cry. I encourage.

Then its all over…done.

I look at the images thankfully because Jesus trusted me with this amazing gift. Because He talked me through it. Because without Him, I suck. I am glad I still get nervous. Because in that nervousness, I pull on Him even more.

I would like to share with you guys a few images of a wedding that were taken on 6/10/2016. Enjoy.

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I see you

You are not alone.

jessicacarollynblog

I see you
I see the smile you wear to cover up the pain
Maybe if you smile hard enough no one will know you are going insane
You’re physically and mentally tired of putting on a front
When will someone hear you screaming “help”
I see you
You’re hurt, frustrated, and depressed
But you can’t even talk to anyone because you’re afraid of them finding out you’re a mess…inside
I see you
So you silently drown in your sorrow
Suffocating
Grasping for air
I see you
You decide enough is enough
I’m ready to exit this life
I can’t take another day of pretending and living a lie
How about I overdose on meds and just die
I see you
Life isnt worth living
It’s a constant struggle
No one understands
Man, where is this bottle?!
I see you
But before you pop that top to the bottle
Let…

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Over it (I’m done)

Don’t give up.

Unless of course you’re giving up:
Frowning, stress, pain, hurt, doubt, fear, poverty, hatred, malice, gossiping, suicidal thoughts, unforgiving heart, etc.

Feel free to toss your hands up and say “I’m done” #LifeIsSoMuchBetterOnTheOtherSideOfTheseThings #ChristDiedSoWedBeFreeFromSin #Smile #GodLovesYou

Sharing Is Caring

Lord, I just want to share the beauty of Your love with everyone I encounter.

May Your words spoken through me kiss their soul.

May Your Spirit smother every hurt, every pain.

Bring a peace that will flow like a river and wash every fear and doubtful thought away.

Encamp around them through  their daily journeys.

May the dipstick of their joy read “full”.

And Your comforting power bring that racing mind to a complete stop.

 

That’s all.

Conversations with God Pt. 2

Me: Lord, why do I seem to come off so strong when I meet someone? Why is it that I “fall in love” with people so easily? What is it? Is it *I begin to list a bunch of things trying to pinpoint it*

God: No! You have what they need. You have Me. Keep doing what you are doing. Give them love. Give them ME.

Me: *wipes single tear away* *smiles* ok, God. Ok. I love You!

 

I am so amazed by His love.  Love conquers all!